How to Walk on Water.
It’s exactly thirty-two minutes till the end of the first day of the new year. I just got off a call with my friend about the daunting things that are ahead of us this year and the capacity of God, our creator to help us make them happen. My new year celebrations were quiet. I spent the day with my family and Karaoke-d to a few bops, screaming lyrics all by myself. More than my family’s affinity for tranquil days, celebration or not, my day was quiet because I spent it pondering, and meditating.
Music is a big part of my life. It brings me joy and peace to listen to melodies that cause my eyes to light up like a child’s. It is my happy place, so it only made sense that this new day of a new year started with it. There was a spoken word EP that was released months ago by an artist I wasn’t familiar with that I’d been stalling on listening to. This morning, I decided it was time. I listened to the first and second songs and then, something special happened with the third. It was about looking fear dead in the eyes, insulting doubt, and knowing there is nothing new under the sun- walking on water. I thought about it all day.
My ability to walk on water is on the other side of my fear, my impostor, my doubt. Whenever fear asks me who I think I am to be so daring, if I can stare long enough without blinking and somehow muster a baritone to say confidently that nothing about its question rattles me, then, I have a chance. If I can pull my doubts fangs and tell my impostor ‘even though!’ then I can take a step. But if I keep waiting to be that confident, I might never leave these shores; that is where my backing comes in. You see, I do not believe I can do life without a sure thing, an unshakeable assurance that if I move an inch, I fit fall, but it will not be hard to stand up. Every human needs this sure thing. Life is too fragmented to be moving without it. In primary school, whenever you were wronged, there was something fascinating about the conviction that a guardian was willing to fight for you, and vouch for your character. This vote of confidence allows you to hold your head high even while the odds are not in your favour. This is what it’s like to have a backing, a sure thing.
My sure thing is God. In the face of undiluted fear and feeling small in the presence of big things, God is my sure thing. And so, even when doubt is loud and my impostor is singing songs of mockery, my feet will touch water. I will stand on it and I will walk the distance. Even if I fall, I will stand up again. If you have been contemplating playing small this year because the big things seem too big for you, well this is the confirmation that you’re not going to. I am telling you because I am not walking in chilly seas alone. All of us are going, no one is going to be left behind. With your bag of imperfections and the attire of excuses that you have on, let us go. You see this sure thing, ehn? He is not asking you to come as a pro swimmer with the ability to do the backstroke if turbulence comes to shake you in the water. He is saying come as you are. Nervous oh, unqualified oh. “Let me be the one to give you the conviction that if you fall, I dey your back, nothing do you.”
“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” (even in water) Joshua 1:9 (NKJV)
