The power of day one: To be perfect or not?
In the last week of 2020, I found a series of Instagram posts that summed up everything I had decided to do better in the new year. The slide ended with “Your story deserves to take up space- period” and it stayed with me.
You see, I am a perfectionist. The American Psychology Association’s Dictionary of Psychology defines perfectionism as “the tendency to demand of others or of oneself an extremely high or even flawless level of performance, in excess of what is required by the situation.” The thing about this definition, is that it makes the concept of perfectionism look harmless, but it really could be the enemy. Wanting to be perfect in excess of what is required will have you doing nothing at all.
If you were ever looking for someone to give you reasons to not start something before now, I would have been your guy. I was really good at making up excuses for anything. In far-back 2018, I had an idea to start a project but hesitated for so long and it never got off the ground because I thought to myself, “if I could not do it perfectly, then it wasn’t worth doing at all” and that was my mistake. The consequence was that I never did that thing and many other things like that. Since then, I have learned that showing up does not require perfection. Heck, it can only get better as it goes on.
Gary Vaynerchuk, a prolific entrepreneur and forward thinker once said that the root emotion of perfectionism is fear- the fear of being judged, the fear of doing something and coming to a shocking realization that you’re not really good at it or the fear of committing yourself because commitments are responsibilities and responsibilities require that you show up, irrespective of how unmotivated you’re feeling. But there is no hard thing that will not unnerve you first.
Fear will tell you that there are many people doing something similar to what you’re doing but the higher truth is that no one could ever do it like you. You are the only you.
The trick is to feel the fear, be sure of why you’re doing said thing and do it anyway. You will never always be motivated, and that is why self-discipline is key. A friend said to me in a recent conversation, that he found that he procrastinates whenever he’s afraid that he can’t do something well, or that he needs other things to be in place to do a good enough job. And that is a great observation. Perfectionism will have you starting and abandoning tasks halfway done or not starting at all. But the beauty of starting a thing is only truly seen when it is finished. Like a painting or a music track or an essay.
Living a full life requires that you live on the edge from time to time, not because you’ll always be bold enough to do it (because you will not) but because it is the only way to quell insecurities and build up mental strength.
My biggest commitment to myself this year is that I will do hard things, because comfort is overrated and it gets boring very quickly. The second biggest commitment to myself is that I will start things and finish them. So, if I am not getting ahead with something and I begin to procrastinate on the basis of perfectionism, I ask myself, what’s stopping me? If it’s the fear of not being good at something, then, the solution is to get good at it. Take a class, ask for help, do something about it. Because every second I hesitate, I feed the fear and when I have fed it enough, it will grow wings and sow lies in my mind and there’s no room for dirty liars on this side.
Before I picked up writing again, I thought it through, over and over, until I decided to stop thinking (too much) and start doing. One of my favorite YouTubers at the moment said one time that she does not depend on validation because when she finishes her work, it satisfies her. And now, that exactly is what I aim for- a contentment with the outcome of everything I do. That is enough perfection. And so, every time I second guess myself like I did before hitting publish on this post, I say, my story deserves to take up space because the moment it dropped in my mind to tell it, a purpose was assigned to it and I don’t want to ever stand in the way of the purpose of my work. No one should ever set out to do that intentionally anyway.
Friend, your work deserves to take up space and on that note, I dare you. I dare you to envision that person that you want to be and show up as them everyday, in whatever way that translates to you. Set parameters for time management, take that class, do that thing that scares you the most, identify that bad habit and actively work towards changing it. Nothing happens in one day, but you have to keep showing up.
Moe Odele, in one of her newsletters, said “People often ask me how I’m able to throw myself into things and just do it. Well, it is because I know day one is just day one. I do not have to be perfect on my first day. And I have seen myself grow from day 1 to day 100 in many things so yeah, I am not afraid to be bad at something. I mean, it is the first time I am doing it, why should I even be good at it?”
Exactly all of that. Remember, day one is really just day one. It will get better with time.
